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暑假來襲!厭倦每天帶小孩?「輪流監護」讓彼此都有時間做回自己 - 學學趣

暑假來襲!厭倦每天帶小孩?「輪流監護」讓彼此都有時間做回自己


當孩子一出生,角色永遠只能是爸媽?

我在前面的文章裡,談了不少如何教養孩子的觀念。然而,在教養孩子的同時,也需要給自己一些時間與空間。前一陣子看到關於五一勞動節的爭議,許多父母雖然放假,卻仍得帶小孩,因為小孩的幼兒園老師也放假了,小孩子只好留在家裡,許多父母抱怨說,如果小孩要上課,而夫妻放假,至少他們還能好好的約會一場,不必帶著孩子在身旁。從這樣的社會現象裡,可以觀察到,在小孩子出生以後,父母彷彿失去了情人的身分,更別說要有時間「做自己」了。

舊概念新用

最近在讀一本書,一本由一位美國離婚律師所寫的書,在談如何使婚姻避免走向毀滅。有趣的是,裡面提到了一個叫做「輪流監護」的概念,這個概念原先是用在已離婚的人身上,在離婚的夫妻裡,小孩子有時會跟爸爸住,有時跟媽媽住。當小孩不在身邊的時候,背著父親或母親身分的個體,才有餘裕可以做自己。

說真的,帶小孩其實挺累人的,要注意自己的言行舉止,很多事情都不能做。而這個離婚律師便說,為什麼感情好的夫妻,不能試著「輪流監護」的概念呢?

如何嘗試?

這個概念很簡單,就是分配好帶小孩的時間,也許是這個周末我帶小孩出去玩,下個周末輪到你帶小孩出去玩。休息的一方就盡情地做自己,也許和朋友出去走走,也許自己一個人待在家看書,做些你想做的事情,讓自己不必只有「爸爸」或「媽媽」的角色。

這位離婚律師說,輪流監護有四個好處,我也很認同,以下列出來跟大家分享

輪流監護的四大好處:

1. 當小孩輪流和父母在一起,父母就有時間安排做私人事情與處理工作的時間,而不必承受沒有好好做父母的罪惡感。

2. 和孩子一直在身邊相比,輪流監護可以讓你在孩子離家上大學的時候,不再那麼感到卻步、放不下。

3. 小孩子和另一方在一起的時候,正是你可以好好充電的機會,你可以和自己重新連結、不必妥協。開個玩笑說,即便你要大罵髒話,也不用擔心小孩子偷學。

4. 身為父母,透過這種方式,示範給孩子看,讓孩子學到「留時間跟自己獨處」、「維持父母與配偶角色之外的自我身分」是重要的。

教養孩子固然重要,但那並不是你生命中的全部。

作者  

貓心 Psydetective

〈 女人迷 〉、〈 泛科學 〉專欄作家。台大心理系畢業。
很喜歡貓,期許自己有一天能開一間充滿貓的心理諮商所。

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