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如何面對照顧小孩時的憤怒?《遠離!傷人傷己的情緒風暴》告訴我們的事 - 學學趣

如何面對照顧小孩時的憤怒?《遠離!傷人傷己的情緒風暴》告訴我們的事

在照顧小孩時,許多家長都會遇到「憤怒」這種情緒,這是非常正常的一件事情。

日本的精神科醫生水島廣子,在她的《遠離!傷人傷己的情緒風暴》一書中,針對憤怒這種情緒,提出了很好的應對方式,我將在這篇文章中介紹給讀者們參考。

所謂憤怒,水島醫生說,其實就是代表著「我們遭遇了困擾」,當你憤怒的時候,不妨想想看,你是否正在遭遇困擾呢?

憤怒這種情緒,是在提醒我們「有些事情卡住了、不順利了」,或是「與原本期待要有的狀態,產生了不愉快的分歧」。

例如原本我們已經把孩子安撫好,要去做自己的事情了,結果孩子又突然大哭大鬧了起來,許多家長都會覺得很困擾吧?這個時候,家長就很容易陷入憤怒的情緒當中。

水島廣子認為,我們要離開憤怒,只有兩種方法:要不是讓不順利的事情,順利進行下去;不然就是改變自己的想法,不再期待事情「應該要順利進行下去」。

但是,當我們陷入憤怒當中時,很難立刻離開憤怒,讓自己切換到上述的兩種思維模式。這個時候,我們可能就會把憤怒發洩在孩子身上,既傷害了孩子,也傷害了關係。

要面對憤怒,其中一個方法就是轉移注意力。你平常都怎麼轉移注意力的呢?外出跑步、快走、聽音樂、唱歌,或是深呼吸?當然在照顧孩子的時候,我們可能很難外出去散心,但是深呼吸或許是我們可以做的事情。

另外的方式,就是找個訴說對象來陪伴,暫時先忍著情緒,好好安撫孩子,事後再去找你的傾訴對象。許多父母常常會聚在一起抱怨孩子,其實就是一個很好的情緒出口。但要避免的是,盡量別把傾訴大會變成比較大會,如果你發現和你一起討論的人,都只是在比較誰的孩子比較乖、誰的孩子比較難搞,少了情緒支持,多了太多的埋怨,或許就不是一個適合討論的場合。

或許,找個擅長親子關係的諮商師,多聽聽育兒專家的講座,反而會比和他人比較誰的孩子好照顧,更有助於你達成水島廣子說的「讓不順利的事情,順利進行下去」,用對方法,憤怒自然就會少了。

作者  

貓心 Psydetective

台大心理系畢業。國北教心理與諮商所。
撰寫心理相關文章,期望能陪伴自己與讀者找回安全感。


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